Frustration

I am almost at my wits end. I am so tired of being anxious all the time. I know I need help. I am waiting to get the money to go into a residential treatment program. I am white-knuckling it for now.

Today, I have been alternating between curling up on the floor and rocking to getting up and saying I can do it.

I asked myself if I were my best friend what would I say to me. I think I would say that I am sorry that you are in such pain. I think I would say the pain won’t last forever. I would say I miss your smile and I miss your laugh.

It is really difficult. To look at my friends and family in the eye and see how my pain causes them pain is terrible. I say I am sorry. I try to pretend. Sometimes pretending to be o.k. is so exhausting. Some days, like today, I just can’t do it. I want to tell the self that is my best friend that I will be ok. Maybe tomorrow.

I will try again tomorrow.

Today, I need a hug. Jane Doe 02